TRANSITIONS

Life’s Transitions Help Define Reality

By Melissa Deas

The transitions into and out of our earthly lives are through the same awe inspiring

passage. No matter what we are experiencing, it all comes down to the same

unequivocal reality. That reality is to let go of what we know. It is to release into what

we do not know or believe we do not know.

Birth and death are the times we have to allow our inner selves to take over and guide

us through our ancestors’ paths. It is a sacred path that is intangible in a material world.

Let’s face it, who else is going to guide you?

Even though we have many helpful books written about how to birth and how to die,

when it comes down to it, no one knows better than your own wise instinctual self. It

comes down to having faith in yourself and the unseen higher force that can begin to

imagine the creation of our existence.

THE LETTING GO

What is left after many hours of the exhausting work of birth, but giving way, letting go of

the pain, letting go of control and releasing of our bodies in order to release the child

who carries the pure soul? What is there left to do when one’s body is exhausted with

the closing of the process of death but to finally give way to what is inevitable? That is to

let go of the pain, to let go of control and to be forced to let go of our tired bodies.

In the letting go, we are simultaneously releasing our pure souls back to where they

came from.

It is a midwife’s work to guide a pregnant woman in the clearing of her path to birth. A

midwife teachers an expectant mother that her emotional, spiritual and mental self have

a strong affect on her physical being. How she feels about herself, about her mate and

about birth will make a difference of unknown proportions. It is the midwife’s work to

listen attentively, compassionately and wisely.

As a terminally ill person prepares herself or himself to die, their minds travel through

their lives. They venture through joyous occasions, sad moments, distant or prevalent

regrets, and heart-felt desires.

As they whisper the final telling of their stories, they are in the process of clearing their

paths so that they can release their earthly lives and move onward. It is the work of the

hospice attendant to listen attentively, compassionately and wisely.

A LAST CONVERSATION

In the final two weeks of my mother’s life, I sat with her talking about her upcoming

death. Because I had brought the subject up, I stopped myself and asked her if thiswas what she wanted to talk about. She looked up and me with a twinkle in her eye,

smiled and said, “Death is a very interesting subject to me right now, Melissa. I can’t

think of anything I would rather talk about.”

We laughed and continued on with a profound conversation that helped relieve my

mother of fears and to simply acknowledge what she was experiencing at the time. Her

death process was rich with heart-felt stories and the truths that carried the last days of

her life. Our many conversations helped my mother to be present for her journey back

to what I call home.

Sitting with my mother, watching her take her last few breaths and feeling her leaver her

body reflected to me the many times I have witnessed a baby come into his or her body

and drawing in their first breaths of life.

LIVING IN THE PRESENT

I teach pregnant women to spend their pregnancies as present as possible. I explain

that our brain stores away all of the media’s horror stories about births, all the fear-

ridden stories told by women who experienced birth without empowering guidance. It is

like watching the news. You only hear about the stories that are dramatic.

A simple smooth birth just isn’t exciting enough to tell. Pregnant women need to filter

out of their brains what belongs to them and what belongs to

E.R. (on television) or Aunt Beth. The messages they carry in their brains get triggered

by birth itself and affects how the woman’s labor progresses.

Images of death are also prevalent on our television screens, books and in our fearful

stories. Again, we file these message in our brains only to be triggered by the dying

process. It is important that we filter through these messages to find what truly belongs

with us.

In both cases of birth and death, the unavoidable transitions speeds up the cleansing

process. It reminds us of who we are all the way to our cores.

All of the protective devices we build up around us to enable ourselves to move through

our earthy walk must come down…. And they do.

The crumbling of these devices expose our most tender, loving, vulnerable and beautiful

selves. We leave just as e came into the world. We are naked and in the hands of an

unseen force, be it called our creator, God or our wiser selves.

It is a passage that we are blessed with. It is a passage that both the midwife and

hospice attendant witness over and over again.